Over the Summer Recess, I have been listening to the radio and watching TV more often than usual. Most of the time, it is enjoyable and informative, but there are a number of occasions when I have turned the set on, to be greeted with remarks that have me reaching for the off button. Readers will have their own trigger phrases at which they zap; here are a selection of mine.
“..comes to the rostrum to conduct the first broadcast performance in this country of…”
“..we will be getting the Government’s reaction to these statistics from the Secretary of State for Trade, Patricia Hewitt, who is waiting in our Westminster studio…”
“..but if you think Nadia should be the next Housemate to be evicted, dial 090 7…”
“…Scottish League First Division, Brechin City Nil…”
"Melissa has £630,000 from selling her pied-a-terre in Notting Hill to find a small flat in Lewisham and a rural retreat near Swaffham..."
“..will explain how to download a new ring-tone for your mobile..”
“…for those of you who have asked some friends round for a barbecue tomorrow, you may not want to hear the weather forecast for Bank Holiday Monday….”
“…as the Fifth Test has been interrupted by rain, our Test Match Special commentators will describe the cakes they have been sent by some of the kind listeners…”
“..Book at Bedtime this week features the recently published book, “The Seafood Diet of the 17th Century Australian Aborigine..”
“…ring Maureen on 118 212, 118 212, 118 212…”
“..if you have been involved in an accident which is no fault of your own, please call Personal Injury Solicitors on…
“..if you agree with this campaign, please write to your local Member of Parliament at the House of Commons, London SW1A…”
“..we now go over to the Olympic pool for the preliminary rounds of the synchronised swimming…”
“…we have Amanda on the line, who wants to give listeners some intimate details of the affair she had fifteen years ago in a Barbados hotel with the English coach, Sven…”
“…we go now to a spokesman from the Health and Safety Executive, who will explain the risks that face your children if you let them climb the trees in your back garden….”
“do you want to know who is responsible for your council tax going up? We ask the Local Government Minister, a representative from the Local Government Association and Prof Tony Travers of the LSE to explain the intricacies of the latest Revenue Support Grant settlement…”
Happy listening and viewing.