We are always pleased to have the grandchildren to stay, although it is nice to get one’s life back again when they depart. The focal point of their visit is the Penton Mewsey Tennis Course, organised by the heroic and patient Diana Kruger. This keeps the little ones exercised, but only for a portion of the time when they are awake. For the rest of the time, the heroism and patience has to be displayed closer to home. I give warning to Finkley Farm and the Hawk Conservancy that trouble will be heading their way.
For the benefit of fellow grandparents confronted with a similar challenge, here are the answers to the questions that will be put to us.
“Because there is a little sign on the cover which says that that DVD is not suitable for children. When you are 18”
“Because the cutters inside will turn your fingers into little strips, like those pieces of paper at the bottom of the bin. And the Minor Injury Unit at Andover Hospital is closed.”
“Because your grandmother wants to watch Three Men in a Boat.”
“Because it might rain”
“Because it will make you sick.”
“Because that is very expensive paper with a green crest your grandfather uses to write to people on.. no, I am sure he has never described them as boring, or time wasters, or mad. You can draw on the back of his Select Committee Report.”
“Because it is now half past eleven and it is my bedtime.”
“Because you broke it last time you were here.”
“Because those aren’t sweets, they are your grandmother’s headache pills. No – only when you come to stay.”
“Because it won’t work if you put marmalade on the keyboard.”
“Because they are not ripe yet.”
“Because that is for the birds to eat.”
“No. The attic is out of bounds.”
“That’s the smoke alarm. It goes off if you play around with the switch on the toaster”.
“Because His Worshipful the Mayor hasn’t asked you to his party.”
“Because your grandfather hasn’t read it yet.”
“I don’t care if your father does let you do that at your home. You are not doing it here.”
“That is horse manure…. because it is still hot - No you can’t warm Barbie’s hands in it…
Because I say not.”
"Because that turns on the underfloor heating. No, not in August."
“Because if you touch that switch, I won’t be able to finish this article for my websi...